Day 7

Ok things got a little miffed today. Not only did I get hit by a dude on a bike on my way to campus (which set me off on a rather bad mood) but I had to toss out my evening schedule due to a call from my Aunt to check on their cats in Sedona. Yes, that's right, I drove to Sedona to walk inside and look at their cats and then drive home. Yes, it is indeed ridiculous.
On with the blog!

• Drink 4 liters of water per day, starting with 1 whole liter immediately upon waking.
• Yup, sipping on # 5 now. Drinking the water down isn't too bad, but the constant peeing kind of sucks.
• Multivitamins every morning.
• Oi oi, and I noticed the "Alive! Whole Food Energizer" wants me to take 3 capsules a day, so I took my morning one then took 2 to school in my pocket and took em with my meals. Vitamins make the waterfall of urine from goal 1 a pretty neon yellow!
• Clean out my closet. (Includes getting rid of junk and taking whatever I can to Goodwill).
• Jah, this weekend, jah jah jah.

• Stop biting my nails/cuticles.
• Ok I put the stuff on today. I think I used a lot of nail polish remover but when I did a test taste it just sorta tasted like lotion. However, it did help with my awareness and today was bite free! However my huge nails and getting real tempting....

• Call a friend/family member every weekend.
• Is it the weekend yet?
• Listen to an alien album every week.
• Didn't listen to Rabbit Habits today, but I'll prolly give it one more go-through tomorrow and start the next new album Saturday.

• Create and follow a detailed schedule.
• Ugh, not so much. No guitar, no gym, no meditation. =(
•  Budget for all bills and expenses, including $50 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation. Keep a current, balanced checkbook (app).
• I spent no monies! My goal for next month is to get a capo for my guitar and then not spend a single frivolous dollar for the rest of November.
• Maintain regular sleep patterns as scheduled. 
• Went to sleep around 1 am, which is similar to what I would've done had we played D&D so I feel ok about it. I do need to adjust my calendar and decide on my later sleeptime.
• Maintain regular waking hours as scheduled. 
• Blegh, I forgot to set my alarm for later when I went to bed, so I shut it off @ 6:15 when it went off and proceeded to sleep until 10:30. :/
• No more than one soda per day.
• 1 Mtn Dew w/ lunch
• No more than three coffees.
• Dos americanos.
• Exercise 45mins 5 times per week as scheduled. 
• Ok technically I don't have exercise scheduled for Thursday because of the "Spanish Tertulia" but I wasn't planning on going and I want to hit the gym every day if I can... but instead I drove to look briefly at cats.
• 30 mins meditation every morning.
• With my oversleeping I had to get to campus so I totally skipped it this morning. =(
• No more red meat or pork.
• Brunch: 3 chicken soft tacos w/ lettuce and corn salsa + Mtn Dew Dinner: footlong hummus w/veg on wheat. Yes, I eat this a lot. ^ ^
• No more than 6 cigarettes per day.
• Sleeping so late helped a lot, hehe, I am up to 4 as of writing this so no problem staying within today.
• Practice guitar an hour/day. (Except Wednesday)
• Who needs guitar practice when you can briefly look at cats?
• Add to this blog every evening. (Except Wednesday)
• Kaboom!

I was in a weird mood today, and was getting a little....dark while driving to Sedona. I wish I had money to see a therapist =/

Day 6

**BONUS POST**
Normally Wednesday is my "cheat" day because of D&D...but we're not playing tonight. =(
So, here be a bonus post! woohoooooooo!!!

• Drink 4 liters of water per day, starting with 1 whole liter immediately upon waking.
• Yes, I did this. I don't think I've ever peed so much in my life except during heavy beer drinking. In fact, I am at 4 right now and will probably finish a fifth before bed. I have had a slight headache since 2 pm or so, not sure if it is related. (isn't it dehydration that gives you headaches?)
• Multivitamins every morning.
• Yes, I am taking a multivitamin and this "Alive! Whole Food Energizer" that has buttloads of stuff, including spirulina and other "superfoods," a bunch of vegetable and plant extracts, minerals... all sorts of stuff.
• Clean out my closet. (Includes getting rid of junk and taking whatever I can to Goodwill).
• Well, I had originally planned to head to Phoenix this weekend, but for various reasons I don't think I'll be going. As such, I'll tackle this project Saturday or Sunday. The timing is perfect, as the Spanish department just started a clothing drive!

• Stop biting my nails/cuticles.
• Even though I forgot my magic lotion/remover blend, I managed to stay conscious enough not to bite any nails, and although I tried to bite my cuticles twice I stopped myself before the chomp. This one is looking promising with such rapid progress!

• Call a friend/family member every weekend.
• Not yet!
• Listen to an alien album every week.
• Third time through Rabbit Habits. Little too much xylophone for me. ;)

• Create and follow a detailed schedule.
• Rocked it today!
•  Budget for all bills and expenses, including $50 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation. Keep a current, balanced checkbook (app).
• Ugh, I managed to leave my school ID @ home when I left this morning and wound up spending around 15 dollars on meals. Sad panda.
• Maintain regular sleep patterns as scheduled. 
• Ok, I will be completely honest. I kept playing Fallout until 10:20, at which point I took my melatonin and went to bed to read. Went to sleep about 11:10.
• Maintain regular waking hours as scheduled. 
• My main alarm is set to 6:15, I got up after one snooze @ 6:25.
• No more than one soda per day.
• 1 Mtn Dew w/ dinner
• No more than three coffees.
• Two americanos!
• Exercise 45mins 5 times per week as scheduled.
• Unfortunately I couldn't make it cause I had stuff and things came up and.... Nah, just messin. I went, and I am starting to actually get into it. I turned on Ogre Battle but quickly switched it off and focused on my workout. I threw two five-minute "sprints" in to get my heart rate up past "Cardio" (I usually try to keep my BPM 10 above what it suggests for "Fat Burn" at my age). Then, for the last 4 minutes or so, I decided to go balls-out, and got my heart up to 167 at the highest. However, I started getting that swimmy blacking-out sensation and couldn't feel my hands, so this was a little too fast for my current fitness level. I am a little worried about this whole exercise thing. It is feeding my masochism (one of my favorite qualities) and I know that if I continue and have success it will feed my egoism. Anyway, since I have had it in mind but haven't shared it yet, my first goal is to get down to 200 lbs. I am at about 211 now. Simple!
• 30 mins meditation every morning.
• Went about 20 minutes then my mind was just way too flighty thinking about the day and things I had to do. I think I may be bored with the guided visualization and may just start putting on some Karunesh and focusing on my breathing.
• No more red meat or pork.
• Breakfast: Green Superfood Naked juice, onion bagel, americano. Lunch: Salad from salad bar (spinach, onions, broccoli, chickpeas, beets, cherry tomatoes, sunflower seeds, olives...few more bits) w/ balsamic dressing. Dinner: Eel roll, some noodles and string-bean chicken w/ a Mtn. Dew. See Below
• No more than 6 cigarettes per day.
• Did much better today, I think in part from the loathing that was creeping up from the difficulty I have been having with this one. As I write this (7:07pm) I have had 4 cigarettes. I will definitely have only 6 today. See Below
• Practice guitar an hour/day. (Except Wednesday)
• Although D&D was canceled, Imma take the break anyhow to play some Fallout. ^ ^ I don't feel too bad as Wednesday is my 'recreation' day anyhow.
• Add to this blog every evening. (Except Wednesday)
• Well, I guess I sort of violated this one with this bonus entry? Hehehe....violated....

Ok, so thinking about my diet has reminded me how terrified I am about diabetes and cancer. As such, I am going to move faster in a few areas. This weekend I will be, ahem, "cleansing." After that:

• NO more cigarettes. (May violate when drinking.)
• NO more meat. For now, I will continue to have sushi/seafood 1-2 times per week.
• 1 hour daily exercise.

With my exercise I am going to keep pushing myself until I can keep up a "Cardio" pace for the whole hour. I swear to fuck I better get some results out of this goddamn exercise or I will lose 20 pounds instantly by taking my legs off with a chainsaw.
 

Day 5

Alright, I've decided I went a little light this week, so here are some ADDITIONAL BONUS GOALS!!!

• Drink 4 liters of water per day, starting with 1 whole liter immediately upon waking.
• Multivitamins every morning.
• Clean out my closet. (Includes getting rid of junk and taking whatever I can to Goodwill).

 The closet is the first of my one-off goals! I have some more planned for the future. I might try to start this tomorrow or else it's a weekend project.

• Stop biting my nails/cuticles. 
• Caught myself many times today, but still managed to bite off my ring-finger nail before I realized what I was doing. I picked up some lotion + nail polish remover this evening to try for tomorrow.

• Call a friend/family member every weekend.
• STILL not the weekend yet. ;)
• Listen to an alien album every week.
• Today was my second full listen to Rabbit Habits, favorite songs are Top Drawer, Poor Jackie, and Whalebones. Not sure if this goal entails daily listening, but I'll probably give it another go-through tomorrow as well.

• Create and follow a detailed schedule.
• Not super good.... went to bed late, got up late, no meditation. =(
•  Budget for all bills and expenses, including $50 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation. Keep a current, balanced checkbook (app).
• Bought some hygiene items and the stuff for my anti-nail-biting goal, also some new pillows cause mine were wrecked. Balanced from my "loose funds."
• Maintain regular sleep patterns as scheduled. 
• Arg, I couldn't stop playing Fallout New Vegas til almost 11, so I didn't get to sleep til almost 12 and didn't read yesterday. Tonight it goes off right @ 10.
• Maintain regular waking hours as scheduled. 
• Somehow managed to sleep until almost 8:30 this morning. Prolly has something to do with going to sleep later. =/ Need to be more diligent about both bedtime and waketime!
• No more than one soda per day.
• A pepsi with dinner.
• No more than three coffees.
• Two cups @ home this morning.
• Exercise 45mins 5 times per week as scheduled.
• Yes, did the full 45!!! Tis getting easier, playing Ogre Battle on my phone helps a LOT. Will probably be ready to bump this up to a full hour next week.
• 30 mins meditation every morning.
• Totally dropped the ball on this one. This one is important because it has immediately observable results. Tomorrow fosho!
• No more red meat or pork.
• Chicken "bits" for brunch, then a footlong hummus on wheat w/veg after exercise for din din. Got two apples, prolly snack em down before bed. I am noticing that being aware of the fact that you will document what you ate for the day helps one to be more conscious of food choices!
• No more than 6 cigarettes per day.
• AGGGHHH DAMN CIGARETTES!! I am up to 6 already. Will probably get to 8 before bed. COLD TURKEY NEXT WEEK.
• Practice guitar an hour/day. (Except Wednesday)
• Yes! Though only half the time did I actually have the guitar in my hands. Other half was looking for new song to work on and checking out the Ebook I purchased. If interested, I am learning through the videos, ebook, and chord charts of yourguitarsage.com He's funny, and cute, and one day we're going to get married.
• Add to this blog every evening. (Except Wednesday)
• Ka-ching!

Day 4

Ok so technically it's not day 4, but since I dropped the ball I am going to number from there. Today was a pretty good day:

• Stop biting my nails/cuticles. 
• On the way home from the gym I absent-mindedly bit some hanging skin from my poor cuticles, and then when I got home and was checking some net stuff I bit my index nail off without thinking. Not too bad for no products/helpers yet.

• Call a friend/family member every weekend.
• Not the weekend yet. ;)
• Listen to an alien album every week.
• This week's selection: Rabbit Habits by Man Man. Thanks Barbara! To the others who made suggestions, I will keep them for future listening!

• Create and follow a detailed schedule.
•  Did quite well today, except a few things noted below...
•  Budget for all bills and expenses, including $50 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation. Keep a current, balanced checkbook (app).
• Didn't make any purchases today. Whew!
• Maintain regular sleep patterns as scheduled. 
• Made it to bed sometime around 10:30 last night.
• Maintain regular waking hours as scheduled. 
• Snoozed until 6:45, so not too bad coming off a weekend.
• No more than one soda per day.
• None today!
• No more than three coffees.
• I think it may of been closer to 3.5/4. The cold weather is going to be a real challenge to this one!
• Exercise 45mins 5 times per week as scheduled.
• 16 miles, 45 minutes, BPM above 130 whole time. Moving this to right after my school day was a good choice, gives me less time to convince myself not to go. ^ ^
• 30 mins meditation every morning.
• Ok only went about 15 this morning. Then my roommate got into the shower and the sound of him clearing his sinuses is like nails on a chalkboard to me. XD However, not his fault. I may try to adjust my morning a bit to do this after he splits for work or at least is done in the shower.
• No more red meat or pork.
• I had a late breakfast of a bagel and banana then some sushi after workout.
• No more than 6 cigarettes per day.
• This one is still quite a challenge. I'm already @ 6 and will prolly have one more before bed. Thinking about limited cigarettes makes me want them more while they conversely make me feel gross when I smoke. I think I may just go cold turkey starting next week.
• Practice guitar an hour/day. (Except Wednesday)
• Only did 30 mins, getting a little tired of Whiskey in the Jar. However my fingers are getting much tougher. I think I may work on 2 songs at a time to reduce boredom and song-fatigue.
• Add to this blog every evening. (Except Wednesday) 
• Ba-zing!
  

Week 2

Well, I had a fair amount of success at the front-end of the week. However, after Wednesday I experienced a domino-effect. I couldn't get to sleep after D&D until almost 3 am, and slept past ten on Thursday. Between that and the schedule changes I had to make re: preparing for my mid-terms, the rest of the week was largely a wash. I didn't even post! Tsk!
So I have made some alterations to my schedule that are a little more realistic yet still improvements. An updated version can be seen right up there ^.
This week I will be keeping all of last week's goals current (re-posting below).
In addition, here are the NEW goals for week two:

• Stop biting my nails/cuticles.
• Call a friend/family member every weekend.
• Listen to an alien album every week.

In addition, I have tweaked and added to my carryover list:

• Create and follow a detailed schedule. UPDATED!
• Create and follow a budget, including at least $25 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation. Budget for all bills and expenses, including $50 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation. Keep a current, balanced checkbook (app).
  
• Go to sleep every night @ 11 PM (12 AM on Wednesdays.) Maintain regular sleep patterns as scheduled.
• Awake every morning @ 6:30 AM. Maintain regular waking hours as scheduled.
• No more than one soda per day.
• No more than three coffees.
• Exercise 45mins Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri Exercise 45mins 5 times per week as scheduled.
• 30 mins meditation every morning.
• No more red meat. + No more pork.
• No more than 6 cigarettes per day.
• Practice guitar an hour/day. (Except Wednesday)
• Add to this blog every evening. (Except Wednesday) 

In other news:
Several friends have found this idea to be a sound one and would like to join me in a life change! So, very soon, expect a web ring of inspirational goodness!!

Special thanks to Chris and Jeremy for being most diligent in helping me keep an eye on myself!

Wednesday Ruins Everything!

Ok, so first things first. I failed to post either Thursday or Yesterday =(.
In addition, Wednesday broke many rules: I had 3 redbulls, more cigarettes than I care to count, got to bed around 2 am.... etc. etc.
So, Wednesday is officially my "cheat" day. Also I have realized I need to tweak my schedule a bit.
While normally I will add goals to an archive as their week passes, for this coming week I will keep all of my foundation goals "current" (with some alterations) and also add a few new ones for the coming week.
Expect oodles of goodness tomorrow!

Day 3

Things went pretty well today:

• Create and follow a detailed schedule.
• No study sessions, otherwise everything was in there.
• Create and follow a budget, including at least $25 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation.
• I downloaded some checkbook software for my droid and set up my mint.com account (also w/ droid app.) Now let's see how well I can stick to it XD
• Go to sleep every night @ 11 PM (12 AM on Wednesdays.) 
• Melatonin kicked in fast last night, asleep by 10:30
• Awake every morning @ 6:30 AM. 
• Snoozed the 6:20 alarm and got up right @ 6:30.
• No more than one soda per day.
• Had a cherry pepsi. Mmmmmm
• No more than three coffees.
• 2 regular drip coffees for breakfast
• Exercise 45mins Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri
• Ok, I made it! I took my phone this time and watched =3 on youtube, made it much more bearable. I even stayed on the bike the full 45 minutes. I am using Runkeeper, but haven't set it up to share my logs yet. Soon!
• 30 mins meditation every morning.
• Yes, was interesting, at one point all of a sudden I got this shooting, exaggerated pain in my left index finger (sore from geetar). In true meditative style, I worked it away with focus. 
• No more red meat.
• Skipped breakfast (except coffee), Lunch: Leftover porkchop n beans. Ugh, no more pork.  Dinner: 12" turkey on wheat con vegetales. Came with two bananas, prolly eat the second one before bed. Pepsi came into the picture w/ the sandwich
• No more than 6 cigarettes per day.
• Did well, had 4 so far and no way I'll have more than 2 more before bed.
• Practice guitar an hour/day. 
• Broke this rule today, I have last-minute stuff to get ready for tomorrow :/ D&D is going to break a lot of rules methinks....Will be back to it Thursday.
• Add to this blog every evening. (Except Wednesday) 
• Ka-kow!

Feeling a change already I think, from reduced smoking and less sugar from the soda. Meditation is having a positive effect as well. The regular sleep I'm sure isn't hurting. ;)

Day 2

Another day down! As for yesterday post-blog, I did indeed have another cig, bringing yesterday's total to 9. :o
I also took my melatonin as scheduled, read Carlos Castaneda for an hour and was asleep a few mins before 11. So on to today:

• Create and follow a detailed schedule.
• Yep! Got a little behind toward the evening but everything got it's scheduled amount of time.
• Create and follow a budget, including at least $25 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation.
• Not yet, had a quiz and some other HW today so no chance. Tomorrow is a light day though.
• Go to sleep every night @ 11 PM (12 AM on Wednesdays.) 
• Yep.
• Awake every morning @ 6:30 AM. 
• Again, got up w/ first alarm @ 6:20.
• No more than one soda per day.
• Woot! One mountain dew with lunch, no mas.
• No more than three coffees.
• I had an americano and 1/2 cup of coffee this morning.
• Exercise 45mins Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri
• Ok, I was dreading this. I forced myself to go but could only handle 30 mins before I wanted to snap my own neck out of boredom. Tomorrow I will take my PSP and see if that helps. On a related note, I figured out how to slow down time and make ten seconds take one minute!
• 30 mins meditation every morning.
• Yep, found a guided meditation I used to use, and ran through it this morning. Went great, and I really felt the effect on my morning.
• No more red meat.
• Breakfast: americano, green Naked juice, banana, seeded bagel w/ cream cheese. Lunch: Rainbow Roll sushi (tuna, salmon, Krab, avacado) between classes then a 6" hummus w/ veg sandwich on wheat after class. Dinner: Pork chop, rice, and peas. (I know, lots of pork...everyone in the house bought it recently)
• No more than 6 cigarettes per day.
• As of writing this I have had my 6 cigarettes, I am more than likely going to have one more before bed. Progress, ever forward! Tomorrow I should be able to keep it to 6.
• Practice guitar an hour/day. 
• Holy crap it's almost starting to sorta sound like the song sorta! (almost) I am learning Whiskey in the Jar first. It uses G, Em, C, and D. My fingers hurt XD
• Add to this blog every evening. (Except Wednesday) 
• Booyah!

Ok, it's been a busy day so I'm not going to say much more for tonight. (time to get my zombie killing on) Catch yas tomorrow!

Day 1

Not too bad today, though not perfect. The rundown:

• Create and follow a detailed schedule.
• Done! View @ the top of the blog. Followed pretty closely today, except my planned "outdoor time."
• Create and follow a budget, including at least $25 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation.
• Not yet, will try to put this together tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest.
• Go to sleep every night @ 11 PM (12 AM on Wednesdays.) 
• Went to bed a little before this even last night, no plans not to make it tonight.
• Awake every morning @ 6:30 AM. 
• Got up @ 6:20 with first alarm today!
• No more than one soda per day.
• Ok, I got a Code Red mountin dew w/ my lunch then had a reggie mountain dew when I got home....last one in my fridge though so tomorrow should go better.
• No more than three coffees.
• One with breakfast, one late this afternoon = 2.
• Exercise 45mins Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri
• It's nice to start on an off day. ;)
• 30 mins meditation every morning.
• Yep! Well actually I only made it 26 minutes, but that's pretty good considering the time since I last tried.
• No more red meat.
• Breakfast: egg/ham/chz croissant. Lunch: 4" hummus on wheat w/ veggies. Dinner: Pork chops n beans w/ wheat bread.
• No more than 6 cigarettes per day.
• Ok not so great, I had 8 cigs today and will prolly have one more before I turn in. Lots of free time on weekend though, weekday should be easier...?
• Practice guitar an hour/day. 
• Hell yeah, my left wrist hurts and my fingers are sore. I'm learning G, E minor, and C. Thanks to Corban for sagacious wisdom. XD
• Add to this blog every evening. (Except Wednesday) 
• Well, you're reading it, right?

Ok so not terrible. Muffed the soda and cigarettes, I kind of knew they'd be among the hardest. Also, I put a slot for outdoor activities on my schedule for Sundays, but I was housesitting in Sedona and didn't have a parking pass, so no hike. This may be a convenient excuse, not sure. Otherwise I followed my schedule quite well.
Pleased so far, it was nice to meditate and I am pretty sure I noticed an effect on my attitude throughout the day. I only road raged once!
All in all I am happy with day 1.

Oct 16th...... Foundation

Normally I will keep my weekly list to a few items. For this first entry, there will be a few more so as to set the groundwork. First I must establish some routine and control:

• Create and follow a detailed schedule.
• Create and follow a budget, including at least $25 monthly savings and $20 charitable donation.
• Go to sleep every night @ 11 PM (12 AM on Wednesdays.) 
• Awake every morning @ 6:30 AM.
• No more than one soda per day.
• No more than three coffees.
• Exercise 45mins Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri
• 30 mins meditation every morning.
• No more red meat.
• No more than 6 cigarettes per day.
• Practice guitar an hour/day. 
• Add to this blog every evening. (Except Wednesday)

Preface

Manifesto:

 For a long time I've had a pretty good idea of the person I wish to be. A much better image than what I might objectively be able to paint about who I am.
At various times I have worked toward this projected self, and more often drifted from it or even deconstructed my previous success. Enough. I have had enough self-created anguish from an awareness of the disparity between who I am and who I want to be. I will NOT allow myself to continue on this unguided shamble through my life. I will not continue to drift between extreme egoism, self-loathing, and self-pity at my situation. I am nearly 27 years old now. I am terrified at how far I have come without any real advancement toward the only thing I know that I want in this life- to be a good person.

I have pondered, and pontificated, and proliferated excuses for myself. I have found myself lost in diversion, then lost in self-chastisement for such diversions. Enough.

Although this is somewhat profound for me, the solution is, of course, absurdly simple. Enough thinking about it. I know what I want to do, and attainable, measurable steps to reach my ideal self. I will do something quite simple; I will set and follow goals.

Weakness:
 I've tried this before, with varying success. Two things are different now:
A. I am older, wiser (hopefully), and more experienced in my own anguish and the cyclical patterns I have repeated in in my life.
B. I am going to use the power of teh internets! You may or may not of heard of people who diet blog... They set fitness and nutrition goals and use the community as their source of accountability. There is psychological research that proves this concept as well. It is one thing to compromise with myself or let myself forget, it is another to try and post about it in my nightly blog.
 Which leads me to....

The Plan

• Every week, on Friday or Saturday, I will post a list of goals/resolutions for the upcoming week. These will include many different types of things, which I will attempt to split into categories.
• I will write a daily entry discussing how things went that day. This forces me to stay conscious of what I am doing.
• YOU, my friends and other lurkers, help hold me to my commitments. This includes calling me out when you witness me violating my rules, asking me about my progress, etc.

And that's it! I will also write on the weekend post about my overall thoughts and feelings about the process.